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Coming Home to Who I've Always Been

I'm still thinking about the butterfly I wrote about last week. How she's emerging from her cocoon, not ready to fly, but patiently acclimating to her new self . . . in her old surroundings.

On the inside, her soul is the same, but everything else is different. 

She eats differently. She travels differently. She sees differently.

She looks different.

And yet, the changes she's endured haven't made her less of who she's always been, they've made her into more of who she's always been. 

Even so, there's a timidity, a tentativeness and a clumsiness in being her new self in those old surroundings.

Maybe you already know: it's quite vulnerable to show up differently than you've ever shown up before.

Even when you're showing up as your most authentic you.

In February, I began my studies for Spiritual Direction at the Haden Institute. The focus of our first 4-day intensive was Celtic spirituality.

The more I learned, the more I felt like I'd come home.

I've always had the feeling that I was part of something much larger than me. And at the same time, I've always felt that the something larger was a part of me.

That I was living in it and it was living in me.

I've never had the words to explain how I sense divinity in stones and flowers and feathers and in places. Or how I find a certain sacredness in noticing Mother Nature's patterns, the changes of the seasons and the cycles of the moon.

I've never shared that out loud with many people.

I've only whispered it along the fringes where I felt safe from sideways looks.

Or maybe instead of words, I lacked the courage to boldly proclaim my ancestry, my birthright, my inheritance; afraid of how I could be perceived by others.

My family has been in North Carolina for so many generations that we've forgotten the ways of our ancestors. But I finally know the language, the practices and the spirituality of my Celtic blood relatives is living deep within my bones; that it is, in fact, in my DNA.

Emerging from this cocoon, this metamorphosis, has been a homecoming for me; a coming home to who I have always been. 
Much, much love,
PS On July 23rd, I'll be opening the doors to my new community, the Clary and Sage Soul-Tending Collective. I can't wait to tell you more, but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

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